Mistaken Identity
by Kaiphantom
Summary: A crossover with another series, but I won't say what. Another typical day in which Ryoga attacks Ranma. Then Mousse attacks Ranma. Then Kuno attacks Ranma. But why is Akane confused about this?


Send C&C to: oddball22@hotmail.com  
  
Find my stories at: www.geocities.com/kaiphantom2000  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: You should know by now that Rumiko Takahashi owns these  
characters. And you should also know that she stopped writing about  
them, so any new Ranma story you see wasn't written by her. Ergo, I'm  
not Takahashi and I don't own them.  
  
Isn't logic grand?  
  
  
Ranma 1/2-crossover Spamfic (Telling what it crosses over with would  
spoil the surprise!)  
Mistaken Identity  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ryoga was a wee bit upset.  
  
"CURSE YOU, RANMA!"  
  
Okay, he was a tad more than upset.  
  
Not that he didn't have a reason to be upset, but the  
underlying reasons were grossly blown out of porportion, and not  
entirely the pig-tailed martial artist's fault.  
  
But of course, Ryoga didn't see this. All he knew was that he  
had just escaped from being the piglet souffle at Le Amore, though the  
escape entailed sprinting al natural through the dining area, seeing as  
how a hot-water change didn't include clothes. Unfortunately, with his  
poor sense of direction he ended up streaking through most of the  
village, until he found his clothes and pack once more.  
  
That delayed him long enough for the female brigade to catch up  
to him and beat the boy senseless, yelling the standard clarion call of  
"Pervert!".  
  
Bruised, battered, beaten, and leaning on a walking stick for  
support, he knew he had to find the Tendo dojo once more, so he could  
relaxe by cuddle up with Akane.  
  
After killing Ranma, of course. Musn't forget that. After all,  
the curse was Ranma's fault. Missing the bread feud fight was Ranma's  
fault. Being Akane's fiance was Ranma's fault.  
  
One may notice Ryoga had a very Ranma-centered view of things.  
  
"Where on Earth am I now!?" Somehow, he knew Ranma had to be  
responsible for his sense of direction as well.  
  
"Don't yell so loud, sugar," a female voice called. "You'll  
scare away the customers."  
  
"Oh, hi, Ukyo-san." Ryoga continued on.  
  
Then stopped.  
  
And blinked.  
  
And turned around to run back to the chef to grasp her tightly  
by the shoulders. "Is it true!? Am I back in Nerima?"  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
"Of course you are, moron!" Ukyo pried her spatula off Ryoga's  
head, annoyed. "I-"  
  
Ryoga cut her off, exicted at the prospect of his location.  
"Quick, which way to the Tendo dojo!?"  
  
"Just down that street and hang a left," she responded, a little  
slowly. "Even you can't miss it." She sighed as the lost boy ran off, in  
the right direction for once, and hoped Ranma wouldn't hurt the poor boy  
too bad this time.  
  
Ryoga made the right turn (which was the left turn, so it was  
the `right' turn, as opposed to the `wrong' turn), and stopped, seeing  
the dojo just down the street. [At last!] he thought, jubilantly. [I  
shall finally have my revenge!] He unslung his umbrella, mentally  
preparing to use his latest training to smash his foe into oblivion!  
  
Now he just had to find him. Deciding that high places would  
work best, Ryoga leapt to the wall and scanned the area. [Not much to  
see. A few pedestrians. Some schoolkids. Ranma.The ladle lady. An ice  
cream ven-] He froze. [RANMA!]  
  
Red shirt  
  
Black hair.  
  
Pigtail.  
  
Ryoga's brain processed these factors and initiated his leap to  
attack, just as his quarry turned a corner. And one supposes we all know  
what goes next, but just so everyone's clear:  
  
"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mousse was also feeling a little unhappy.  
  
Shampoo had rejected his latest attempt to woo her, though he  
wondered why any girl would spurn penguins dancing to the theme of "Love  
Boat". He even had a karoke machine to sing along to and fireworks that  
exploded into a duck shape at the end. So what if the multi-colored duck  
was missing it's head because one of the fireworks was a dud. It was the  
thought that counted!  
  
"If only Saotome hadn't come along," he grumbled under his  
breath as he walked along, easing his shoulder back into his socket from  
his love's gentle touch. "Because of him, Shampoo isn't free to show me  
her love, and yet he only takes advantage of her. It's all Saotome's  
fault. That Cassanova!"  
  
Once again, where Ranma is concerned, facts are distorted to  
fit a different reality where Ranma is at fault. One almost begins to  
wonder why the pig-tailed martial artist can't seem to explain his way  
out of anything.  
  
"If I could just beat him, I know Shampoo would come to me!" The  
myopic Amazon gazed up into the sky, as daydreams of a beaten Ranma at  
his feet and a loving Shampoo attending Mousse, filled his vision. "Oh  
my darling Shampoo, how I long to ooomph!"  
  
Mousse dropped his head back to eye level and noted three major  
details about the person he had just bumped into.  
  
Red shirt.  
  
Black hair.  
  
Pigtail.  
  
It should be noted that he wasn't wearing his glasses, though  
that probably wouldn't have made much of a difference.  
  
"SAOTOME!" he yelled, sprouting twin, long bladed claws from his  
sleeves. "FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SHAMPOO, YOU MUST DIE!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Is it not a lovely day, Sasuke?" the illustrious Tatewaki Kuno  
commented to his manservant as he strode along.  
  
"Quite lovely, Master Kuno," the ninja quickly agreed, knowing  
that if he ever disagreed, Bad Things could happen to him.  
  
"Ohohoho! A perfect day to spend with my Ranma-sama!" Kodachi  
exclaimed merrily from where she hopped on the fence beside her brother,  
ribbon twirling and trailing behind her.  
  
"Please do not mention that cur's name in my presence, demented  
sibling," the kendoist declared, darkly. "Only mine nemesis could lay  
ruin to this most promising day." He suddenly broke out into a happy  
grin. "If only Akane Tendo or the pig-tailed girl wouldst grace my  
presence..."  
  
"Ha! Those harridens could never compare to my Ranma-sama!"  
  
"Sister, I told you not to mention that name!" Kuno shouted.  
"Oh, to never see that foul sorcerer again, I woul-"  
  
Sasuke tugged on Kuno's hakima. "Um, you mean, him?"  
  
The two siblings stopped and looked down the road, to where a  
figure with a pig tail and a red shirt was being assaulted by two other  
boys.  
  
"Curse you, Saotome!" Kuno ranted, pulling forth his legendary  
blade. "Can I not go one day without your foul presence besmirching my  
noble personage? In the name of heaven, I shall smite thee!"  
  
"Fear not, my darling, I shall save you!" Kodachi Kuno bound  
after her brother, intent on rescuing her Ranma-sama and receiving his  
loving attentions in return.  
  
Noting neither of his masters had given him any orders, Sasuke  
sat down and grabbed a bowl of popcorn.  
  
After all, nothing beats a three-on-one Ranma fight for pure  
entertainment.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ukyo?" Akane blinked at the rapidly running chef as she  
sprinted past the gated Tendo dojo entrance. "What's the big hurry?"  
  
The running girl paused long enough to say, "I think Ryoga's  
gonna fight Ranchan again, and I gotta get there and set up shop,  
quick!" Ukyo took off once more, knowing that Ranma fights attract  
crowds. Crowds full of hungry people who would happily buy an  
okonomiyaki if a certain chef was there to make them.  
  
"But..." Akane frowned, then glanced back at the dojo once  
before shrugging and taking off after her sometimes-rival.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Damn you, Ranma! Stand still and take it like a man!" Ryoga's  
rage had failed to dwindle with the advent of mortal combat. Like  
always, he was having a wee bit of difficulty hitting his opponent.  
Though in this particular instance, he found he couldn't touch Ranma at  
all.  
  
In fact, neither Mousse nor Kuno could hit him, either. Ranma  
ducked, weaved, and sidestepped everything, including the Kodachi-glomp  
attempts  
  
Naturally, this did absolutely nothing for the antagonists'  
self-esteem, nor anything for a leotard-clad gymnast who ended up eating  
dirt with each attempted pass.  
  
But most of all, Ryoga thought the fact that Ranma hadn't said  
anything at all to be the most unusual aspect of the current fight. No  
tauntings of `P-chan', no proclamations of innocence, and no special  
attack names called out. Of course, most of this was lost on the lost  
boy anyway, being as he was in `Kill Ranma' mode. This directive tended  
to bypass all other random thoughts bouncing around in his adamantine  
noggin.  
  
"Ranchan's in rare form today, wouldn't you agree?" Ukyo  
remarked from the side lines to the now arriving Akane. "That'll be 500  
yen, please." The customer plopped down a few coins and accepted his  
meal, while the sizzle sound returning signaled another glob of batter  
being molded on the grill by the culinary artist.  
  
Akane gawked at the fast-paced combat/wanton destruction of  
property. "But-but that's not Ranma! He's a chicken!"  
  
Ukyo frowned. "Really now, Akane. Do you have to insult Ranchan  
like that? If there's one thing he isn't, it's a coward." She flipped an  
okonomiyaki. "Give you points for originiality, though. Don't believe  
you've called him that before."  
  
The youngest Tendo shook her head, sighed noisily, and pointed  
"No, HE is a chicken! A giant chicken!"  
  
"What pervert-girl talking about?" Shampoo descended from the  
sky riding her preferred method transportation. She handed off several  
steaming bowls of ramen off to a paying customer. "Airen is brave  
warrior! No insult by calling coward!"  
  
The lavender-haired Amazon studied the combat taking place,  
deciding she didn't like the odds. If Mousse defeated Ranma, even in an  
unfair fight such as this, it would raise some uncomfortable issues  
about her marital status. Coming to a hastily-formed decision, she  
sprouted twin bonbori and leapt in.  
  
"Where do you think you're goin'!?" Ukyo shouted.  
  
"Wife go fight by husband side!" Shampoo cheerily called back.  
  
"He's not your husband!" came the twin reply from a Tendo and a  
Kuonji.  
  
Ukyo whipped out her battle spatula. "And don't count me out  
either!"  
  
"But he's a chicken, I tell you!" Akane waved her arms,  
frustrated that no one was listening to her. It was annoying, she  
thought, when people didn't listen to others and believe them. "A giant  
chicken!" But her protests went for naught, as two more combatants  
entered the fray.  
  
Ryoga was still trying to pound a hyper-dodging `Ranma'.  
  
Ukyo slammed her spatula into a poetry-spouting kendoist.  
  
Mousse, unable to tell friend from foe, sent a handful of  
weaponry at almost everyone.  
  
Kodachi tried to entangle everyone else in her ribbon while  
attempting to glomp her Ranma-sama.  
  
Shampoo gave Kodachi and Mousse mouthfuls of bonbori while  
beating the crazed gymast to the object of their mutual affection.  
  
Akane and the onlookers stared at the spectacle.  
  
The ground got ticked at all the people stepping on it and sent  
up a huge cloud of dust to obscure everything.  
  
Ryoga only compounded the problem with a breaking point blast,  
causing the fight to dissolve into a coughing fit while everyone stopped  
and waited for the dusty fog to subside so they could resume pounding  
the daylights out of each other. A passing breeze helped with that, and  
soon the carnage was revealed to all.  
  
Ryoga was half-twined with ribbon.  
  
Kodachi was chewing on a bonbori ball.  
  
Her brother was face down chewing on dirt, courtesy of a large,  
metal cooking utensil.  
  
Mousse had successfully captured a garbage can with his chains.  
  
Shampoo had finally glomped her `airen' and was giving him a  
sensous, mid-battle, get-up-and-go-get-'em, good luck kiss.  
  
Except then when she opened her eyes, she noticed that his  
black hair was crooked, laying off to the side of his head revealing a  
rooster's comb underneath. The red shirt that `Ranma' had been wearing  
was now in tatters from the Breaking Point shrapnel. A simple passing  
air current was all it took for the garment to be claimed by gravity,  
exposing a pair of wings and a feathered body.  
  
Shampoo promptly lost her glomp grip in surprise and landed on  
her derriere.  
  
For several long moments, absolute stunned silence ruled.  
  
A tumbleweed rolled by.  
  
Happosai jogged through and snatched a few of the women's  
undergarments.  
  
Akane crossed her arms and huffed. "I told you."  
  
The next thing to be heard was an ear-piercing shriek from a  
purple-haired Amazon. "EEEEEK! SHAMPOO KISS CHICKEN LIPS!"  
  
`Ranma' cocked his head. "Buckaw?" The black, pigtailed wig fell  
to the ground.  
  
Ryoga stared, stupefied, then snarled. "How dare you dress up  
like Ranma! No one makes a fool of Ryoga Hibiki!"  
  
"For once I share that sentiment, commoner," Kodachi agreed  
hautily while readying another ribbon and a razor hoop. "No one mocks  
the Black Rose!"  
  
Kuno leapt to his feet, replacing his broken legendary blade  
with his spare and hoisting it aloft. "I have oft proclaimed Saotome to  
be a user of dark arts, but changing thyself to a creature of poultry  
shall not save thee! Have at you, fowl sorcerer!"  
  
"Saotome, how dare you turn yourself into a chicken in order to  
seduce my Shampoo!?"  
  
Ukyo's left eyebrow twitched. "WHO WANTS CHICKEN OKONOMIYAKI!?"  
  
A panda leapt up with a sign that read, {I'll take two!}  
  
Chicken Boo decided a hasty retreat was in order and took off  
down the street with an angry procession of martial artists and a panda  
hot on his heels.  
  
With no more potential for free entertainment, the crowd  
dissipated, leaving a single Tendo girl alone in the arena.  
  
At least until the real Ranma jogged up. He took a glance at  
her exasperated expression and the empty lot, and scratched his head.  
"Uh, Kasumi says dinner's almost ready, so they sent me to get ya."  
  
A sneaking suspicion suddenly dawned on Akane. "Um, did she say  
what we were having?"  
  
Ranma nodded and told her, then watched in disbelief as she  
collapsed and began to shake with uncontrollable laughter. He wondered  
what was wrong with her. After all, he didn't think `Chicken Surprise'  
sounded THAT funny.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the outskirts of Nerima, a battered giant chicken named Boo  
hauled himself to his feet, having just barely escaped the wrath of  
several deadly martial artists. The decision to try being a martial  
artist himself was looking much too dangerous now, so he figured on  
looking elsewhere for a new identity.  
  
However, he was presently unsure where to go next, but luckily  
a nearby directional signboard offered a a clue. It read:  
  
JUUBAN 9K  
  
Clucking once to himself, Chicken Boo figured that place was as  
good as any, and began to strut down the road.  
  
  
~o/ You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not  
a man you're a chicken, Boo! \o~  
  
  
  
  
Next on the Adventures of Chicken Boo: Chicken Kamen!?  
  
  
  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
Obligatory Author's Notes:  
  
Contrary to the ending, I don't really plan on continuing this, though  
the thought of Usagi cuddling up to a feathered Tux-boy while Rae calls  
him a chicken , is not without its appeal. If you want to run with this,  
or send our poor abused poultry into a different anime series, be my  
guest, and I can alter the ending to lead into yours.  
  
Feel free to edit this, or even re-write it. After all, I'm sure  
somebody can do exactly what I did, except in a half-an-hour, and  
haughtily tell me I suck and theirs is so much better.  
  
Which I know anyways. Such is life.  
  
Why did I used Akane? I figured she was the only one who could insult  
Ranma by calling him a chicken, and have no one believe her. Well, no  
one believes Ranma either, but he made a better Chicken Boo.  
  
Anyhow, so ends my lame attempt at humor. If I entertained you at all,  
feel free to e-mail me money to my paypal account. ^_^  
  
C&C is always welcome, too.  
  
Kaiphantom  
"Sorry, no clever or witty quotes" 


End file.
